Out of sheer boredom, IǃÙve decided to elaborate on my answers to the ǃ?Four Thingsǃ? meme thatǃÙs been making the rounds. So are my answers for the four jobs IǃÙve had in my life.
Sandwich Artist
This was my first job. I was one of the fastest tomato-slicers in Subway history. And thatǃÙs pretty much where my skills end. I was one of the slowest employees in Subway history. Morning shifts were awesome. Cut stuff up and then eat soup. Between seven and ten, I averaged two customers an hour.
My failure in the food industry quickly became apparent to my manager. Word around the office was that I wasnǃÙt cutting it. So I did the ǃ?You canǃÙt fire me, IǃÙm quitting!ǃ? thing, just in a less dramatic fashion by filling out the required two-weeksǃ٠notice.
DonǃÙt be alarmed. IǃÙm not incompetent. Apparently it’s one of Washington’s top five in sales. It was a busy Subway. IǃÙm fairly certain I was faster than most of the workers at the U-Dub Hub Sub(rub, cub, nub, tub)way.
Carryout Return Personnel
Baggers work for tips only. If enough friends were working the same hours, bagging at the commissary felt a lot like hanging out. When no friends were working the same hours, bagging at the commissary felt a lot like hanging out with my mom and her coworkers. Of course, I was probably at work twelve hours a week and actually working about eight.
Analyst
Oh yah, I’ve only had two jobs.
Therapist
I need a job.