[This post is late and it’s far too long. I wrote most of this (everything except the Thursday section) a few weeks ago. I hope it helps you kill a few minutes. If you die of boredom, I apologize.]
Man, the thing that’s cool about running blogs is that you can read about what’s happening when it’s happening. The thing that’s cool about frequently updated blogs is that you can read about what happened while it still seems like it just happened. There’s nothing all that cool about a blog with entries about events that took place a month ago. I’ll try my best though! On with the show:
Monday
Hottest day ever. And the waves were breaking pretty high. Except we didn’t go in the water the entire day. We went shopping. For some reason, shopping always seems like a good idea on vacation but when you get back you think about what else you could’ve been doing other than shopping. It should be isolated to a single day, because there are far better things to do than walk around and buy things. Here are a few examples of better things to do: walk around and eat, walk around and do nothing, swim, or sleep on the beach. We met up with Janice, went to Ala Moana to meet some of her friends, ate $6 things of ice cream, then worked our way back to Waikiki. Then we went to Costco and I beasted on some chicken wings when we got back to the house.
Tuesday
More Waikiki. Except we swam this time. Aka cut our feet on rocks trying to find sandy areas to tread in. This is a lot more fun than it sounds. If I had a choice of doing whatever I’m doing on a weekday or cutting my feet on rocks trying to find sandy areas to tread in, I’ll take the second option without hesitation. I took the genius advice of putting wallets and cellphones in zip lock bags and burying them in a hole underneath a beach towel. Everyone knows that people do this, and we came back to our towels to find mine flipped away with an empty hole in the sand. I started thinking about how to get a new license and debit card. With some sort of luck, the robber (I presume) didn’t try to dig more than once and missed the first time, because my stuff was still buried.
We considered walking to Ala Moana, and decided to think about it for a few minutes. This turned into an hour because we fell asleep in the hot hot sun. This is definitely one of the most effective methods of getting sunburn. Not cool. Finally, we walked to Ala Moana and then took the longest way possible to Kicks HI. Chris’s dad made chicken and dumplings. Fantastic.
I think we ate at Zippy’s Sunday night, but I’ll go ahead and say it was Tuesday because I already wrote about Sunday. Man that food is good. But the menu pretty much looks like a novel (pdf). Russ and I debated how old the group of kids in the booth next to us were. This story’s pretty much pointless without pictures, but Russ was way off, guessing 5th grade. The kids were by themselves and talking about breaking up with their girlfriends over IM. Back in my day, we walked a mile barefoot to get to our shoes, put them on, then walked five miles to get to school. Anyway, they were in 7th and 8th. Terrible story. Um, then we went to sleep.
Wednesday
Relaxed. Packing to go home sucks because you have more stuff to fit in the same bags and it’s all unfolded and, well, you’re going home. After packing and cleaning, we grilled up some steaks. What’s better than steaks? Only like 49 things across the entire Internet! Ok well, after we gorged and food coma’d, we got up and walked around Waikiki again. Then we gorged and food coma’d at Buca de Pepo’s since Dave & Buster’s was full. We were about to head home when we realized, hey, there’s like 30 girls lined up for something and all of them are 7 and over’s (not years old). So Chris’s roommate, Jake, stuck around and would lead us to glory, hopefully. We followed the line and realized it was more like 200. We really wanted in but we also remembered we’re not old enough. So it was pretty much like Splash Mountain when you’re 7.
During our week long stay, we took note of one of the neighbors. That ain’t two nickels my friend, that’s a dime piece. Anyway, I woke up in the middle of the night to join Russ in saying goodbye. And she was saying goodbye too–to her boyfriend. The red and blue flashed through our windows, it was “like a club experience.” Cop cars lined the street. I have no idea why there were so many. But they were escorting her as she took suitcases and boxes out of the house. It probably wasn’t the best situation to see her, but sometimes you gotta take what you can get. To my two or so younger cousins that read this: don’t waste golden opportunities like this.
Thursday
Jake roommate runs a business so we hung out at his office in the morning to kill time before heading to the airport. We scooped some breakfast up at a cafe. I had Portuguese sausage. We said our goodbyes since Curt was on a separate flight, making the right choice and going without transfers. Nothing spectacular happened on the flights back. Once again, I got to visit San Francisco International, aka Hellport. If there’s a place I hate on this planet, it’s definitely that airport. But they make a good crab sandwich. Can’t deny that. It’s fairly depressing flying from 80-degree to 40-degree weather.
Neverwas. Let me tell you something about this movie. I could make this already excessive entry twice as long just blabbering about how bad this in-flight movie was. I could make a bunch of lame jokes about this horrible horrible movie. So I’m going to. It probably Neverwas meant to be watched by anyone. Which is why it Neverwas in theaters. It should be called Neverwatch: This Movie.
IMDB users seem to like it. Like the lady who told me I missed my flight: they are liars. Trust me on this. Here’s the plot: Aaron Eckhart’s dad, Nick Nolte, writes a children’s fantasy novel then Aaron sees his dad hang himself. Aaron grows up and becomes a Psychologist and leaves a prestigious job doing Ivy League research to work at the mental institute that his dad used to be in. Gandalf/Magneto thinks he’s a character in the book. And then, you know what, just don’t watch it. I don’t want to mess this up and make it sound interesting.
Friday morning
Our trip ended when we unpacked the night before, but the breakfast on Friday morning was too good to be true. Russ and I drove to McDonald’s and got there as the employees were rotating the menu from breakfast to lunch. We faced the heavens and bellowed.
Then we tried to see what we scraps of breakfast were left. Russ did the ordering, and asked what was available. The guy said there’s only two left, an Egg McMuffin and an Bacon & Egg McGriddle. So Russ said he’d take those as meals. Except that he meant two of each were left. And then the guy said the drive-thru got messed up so there’s also two breakfast burritos. So Russ said we’d take those off their hands. Russ filled up fast so I got to eat his Egg McMuffin (made my day).
Men’s Health does a small Crime/Punishment in every issue comparing calories of popular fast food meals to awkward workouts that burn the equivalent amount of calories. Eat a whopper, climb the grand canyon thirteen times. With the power of McDonald’s Bag a McMeal and NutriStrategy, I present a Boring Person Crime and Punishment.
The Crime:
(2) Egg McMuffins
Bacon, Egg, & Cheese McGriddle
Sausage burrito
Hash brown
Small orange juice
(1630 calories w/ 70 grams of fat)
The punishment:
I would begin the day repairing my automobile for 1 hour, reward that with 1 hour of bowling, return to my farm to bail hay for 1 hour, catch my dinner by ice fishing for 2.5 hours, and head home from the frozen lake on my unicycle. Or just have 4.85 hours of sex (ZING), which is more than I’m currently on pace for between now and until the dinosaurs rule the earth again.
